is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
