Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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