New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
