im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
