I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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