If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
