Pregnant stripper...not hot.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
