Your tits are I can't wait for
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
