Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize