I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
