I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
