I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
