You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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