NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
