so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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