My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
