I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
