she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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