I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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