We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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