How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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