im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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