yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
