Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
