New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
