Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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