I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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