I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
