(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
