She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize