we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
