there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
