Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
