I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
