Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
