i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
