i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
