No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize