I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
