Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
