i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
