fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize