I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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