what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
