Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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