Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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