just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
