I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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