well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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