I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
