Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
