do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
