Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
