Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
