it's not cheating when I paid for it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize