butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize