we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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