there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
