just come out here and I will go home with you...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
