Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
