Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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