so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize