sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
