You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
