How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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