I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
