We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
