4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
