My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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