so explain again why im purple
no
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
