Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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